


Wherever You Are

by that_fandomlife



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Goodbyes, Happy The8 of Jun, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Realization, Romantic Fluff, Separations, Song Inspired, Sunsets, idk what else to tag oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 15:11:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19134598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_fandomlife/pseuds/that_fandomlife
Summary: Jun's leaving for America. Both he and Minghao know what they need to do.





	Wherever You Are

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in March-April and it's kinda a mess but I wanted to post something for the eighth of June. ^.^ This is based off of a song by One Ok Rock called "Wherever You Are," specifically their live audio vers. from their Ambitions tour ~ linked here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i8UyfCxPrU Listen to it to heighten the feels hehe. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! ^.^

 

On the walk to Minghao’s apartment, Jun could already feel his heart breaking in his chest.

His dad had repeatedly told him, his mom, and his younger brother, Fengjun, that this was the best decision for them. He told them that it was the best chance to give them new opportunities. Jun agreed; he wanted those opportunities that his dad talked about, but to have them, he had to make some sacrifices, including letting go of his boyfriend of three years: Xu Minghao. 

Minghao was everything to him, ever since he laid eyes on him and ever since he asked Minghao to be his boyfriend. He didn’t want to leave, (well, correction, he didn’t want to leave _Minghao_ ; he had warmed up to the idea of leaving China), and yet, he had to.

He reached the building Minghao lived in and walked to an elevator. Once the elevator door closed, he thought of what he was going to say and what right words he could say without bursting into tears.

When the doors opened, Jun walked out and down the hallway. Once he reached the right door, he knocked. It was a moment before he could hear the door open. Once it opened, he saw Minghao on the other side.

“Hey,” Minghao said with a smile.

“Hey,” Jun said, “Are your parents’ home?”

“No... why?”

“Can we talk?”

Minghao nodded and let Jun inside his house. Minghao led them to the living room. Once they sat down on the couch.

“Can I get you anything?” Minghao asked.

“No, it’s fine. I just really... need to talk to you,” Jun said.

“Okay... what is it?” Minghao asked.

Jun could feel his palms start to sweat. He could feel his heart pounding against his chest. He reached out and grabbed Minghao’s hands and held them in his.

“So... I guess... there’s no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it," Jun said.

He took a deep breath.

"Remember how I’ve told you that my dad’s been applying for citizenship for America, and how he's been trying to get a job in America and sponsors?” Jun asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well... my dad got a call back from the university he applied at. He got accepted as a professor,” Jun said, "He said they're willing to help us through the path of citizenship."

Jun stopped. He could feel Minghao’s eyes on him.

“Oh,” Minghao said in a whisper, “You’re going with?”

“My parents want me to, and I kind of want to too. I’m the only person in my family that’s even decently good in English. Plus... it’s going to take a while for us to be on our feet. My family will need my support... and... and I want to see and have more opportunities too, opportunities that aren’t here in China.”

“Right."

Minghao took a deep breath.

“You... You know what we need to do then... right?”

“Y-Yes.”

Jun didn’t look up; he couldn’t bear it.

“I love you. I love being with you. Being in a relationship with you has been amazing. All of this has been amazing. I just... I don’t want to do this.”

“I don’t either,” Minghao quietly agreed.

“If I could... I would choose to keep you as my own... but there’s so much more we have to think of outside of us.

“Like the time zone and the distance,” Minghao said.

“We won’t even be awake at the same time,” Jun added, “It’s a fifteen-hour time zone difference, plus... school and work, for the both of us.”

“It’s... It’s going to be hard to be in this relationship.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence, unsure of what to say.

“Can... Can I at least come to the airport to see you off?”

“Please.”

Minghao nodded before Jun kissed the top of his head. He wrapped his arm around Minghao’s waist and pulled him close, so Minghao’s head was resting against his chest. Jun's grip on Minghao's hands tightened as the reality of their relationship settled in.

Neither of them dared let go.

___

Minghao could feel his stomach turn in knots as they got closer and closer to the airport.

His family had to rent the van for the occasion since they all wouldn’t fit in their smaller cars. His dad was driving with his mom sitting next to him. Jun’s parents sat in the seats behind them. They were having the last conversation about their last in-person talk for a while, and how they would have to visit again sometime, whether it be China or America.

Minghao couldn’t focus on their conversation in all honesty. He was much too focused on Jun sitting next to him in the middle seat with Fengjun on the other side. He tried not to think of the fact that Jun wouldn’t be sitting next to him on the drive home, but that’s all he could think about.

Since Jun told him the news of their move, he and Jun hadn’t talked much outside of their good morning and good night texts, which was fine with the both of them. They would have to get used to it.

Once his dad took the exit, he turned into the airport. He drove into the parking lot and found a place to park. Once he had turned off the car, they all started to climb out of the car. Once everyone was out, his dad locked the doors, and they started to walk towards the entrance.

Once they had checked in and gone through security, they waited for their flight to be called.

It was filled with more last conversations and last hugs. Minghao heard his mom give a recipe for the dumplings she always made for Lunar New Year, a recipe she never gave to anyone. Hearing her give it to Jun’s mom made him feel a bit better inside. They were all close, and they all were dreading the last goodbye.

Jun then walked over to Minghao’s parents as Jun’s parents walked up to him. Jun’s mom pulled him into a hug.

“Goodbye, Minghao. Thank you so much for making Jun so incredibly happy. We’re going to miss you so much,” she said.

“Take good care of yourself, okay?” Jun’s dad said.

Minghao smiled and nodded.

“I will; I promise.”

Minghao then bent down so his eyes met with Fengjun.

“Take good care of Jun for me, okay? Make sure he eats well.”

Fengjun nodded and smiled enthusiastically.

“Yes, of course.”

Fengjun leaned in and wrapped his arms around Minghao. Minghao hugged back with the same force before he pulled away and stood up.

He looked over to Jun and saw him said goodbye to Minghao’s parents. Jun nodded and bowed before he turned his head to see Minghao looking at him as well. Minghao could see the longing look in his eyes.

Jun’s parents seemed to know what was going to happen.

“We’ll give you two some time alone.”

The two walked away as Jun walked over to him. Minghao turned his gaze down to the floor, unable to look up at Jun. The footsteps grew louder, and before he knew it, he could see Jun’s shoes enter his eye line. All they could do was stand in silence.

Minghao looked up, and he could still see the longing in Jun’s eyes.

_Jun doesn’t want to do this anymore than I do._

Minghao sighed.

_But... we have to._

“So... we’re here,” Jun said, looking up at him.

“Yeah...,” Minghao said, “I’m going to miss you, Junhui.”  

Minghao could see the look in Jun’s eyes change from longing to confusion; he knew what Jun was thinking, what they both were thinking.

Minghao only ever called him by his full name in endearment, another way for Minghao to say, “I love you,” or if they were talking about something serious and Minghao needed to get Jun’s attention.

In this case, it was neither of the two. It was a sign of their dreaded detachment. In that context, they both knew it was strange to hear Jun's full name come out of Minghao’s mouth.

“Please don’t say that, and please don’t call me that,” Jun said.

“Well... what do you want me to say? It’s true, isn’t it? Why shouldn’t I?” Minghao said, “You’re not going to be _my_ Junnie, _my Junhui_ anymore.”

“Because... it’ll be harder for me to let you go.”

_Oh._

Well, Minghao couldn’t think of a response to that.

“Do you want to let me go?” Minghao then asked in a quiet voice.

Jun sighed.

“You know I don’t. It’s just... the best, for both of us.”

Jun let go of his suitcase and reached out his hands. Minghao reached his out as well and met Jun’s hand in the middle. They held their hands together and intertwined their fingers. Minghao looked away and instead looked at how they swung their hands together.

Jun took a deep, shaky breath before they both looked away.

“You know it’ll be hard for us to be in this relationship. Neither of us deserves five-minute phone calls and delayed text replies. We both deserve better than that.” Jun said, “You don’t deserve any of that, Minghao. I don’t want to put you through that. You deserve someone who can always be there for you when you need them, not because a time zone constricts them to be.”

Jun held his hands tighter.

“Please tell me you agree. If not... then... then I don’t know why we’re going through all of this.”

Minghao sighed.

“I do agree. It’s just hard... because I love you.”

Minghao looked up at Jun and saw he was thinking.

“I love you... too. I don’t want to let you go... but... I have to,” Jun said, "We have to."

“I know,” Minghao said, “This sucks; This really sucks.”

“It really does.”

Minghao sighed again. On impulse, he reached out and wrapped his arms around Jun’s torso, resting his head against Jun’s chest. Minghao could feel Jun’s muscles tense, but nonetheless, Jun moved in closer and wrapped his arms around Minghao’s waist.

Minghao lifted his head when he heard Jun’s flight being called.

“Jun, we have to go to our seats now,” he heard Jun’s dad say.

“Okay, dad,” Jun said, “Can I just have a little bit more time with Minghao?”

His dad nodded before Minghao saw Jun’s family say their last goodbyes.

Minghao turned his focus back to Jun. He bit his lip, and Minghao knew all too well that Jun did that when he was contemplating a decision of though.

“Can I give you one last kiss?” Jun finally asked.

“But... But what if we can’t let go?” Minghao asked.

“I don’t care anymore.”

Minghao thought for a moment before he slowly nodded.

Jun didn’t hesitate before he leaned in and placed his lips on Minghao’s. Minghao instantly pulled Jun closer and kissed back. Jun tightened his hold on Minghao’s waist and angled his head to deepen the kiss. Minghao pulled Jun closer, holding Jun’s face in his hands, kissing him with the same emotion and intensity.

Jun pulled apart and rested his forehead against Minghao’s.

“Good... Goodbye, Minghao.”

“Goodbye, Junhui,” Minghao whispered, “T-Thank you.”

Jun nodded before he kissed Minghao’s forehead; he pulled away. Minghao looked up and saw Jun give him one last smile before he walked over to the boarding gate with his family.

Once the door closed, Minghao couldn’t help but feel his heart shatter in his chest.

___

It was harder adjusting to America than Jun realized.

Jun knew his English was better than his parents and his little brother, but people spoke too fast for him and it was hard to reply with the right answer. Not only that, but everything was also in English, and even though he’d spent the past year learning it, he still stumbled through the words.

Besides that, everyone was relatively nice. Their new apartment building wasn’t a long walk from the beach and was close to downtown. Their new neighbors greeted them and offered to help with whatever they needed. They were also patient with their broken English, which is what Jun appreciated the most.

They were able to get on their feet like Jun predicted they would. It wasn’t long until his parents started working and started purchasing furniture in their apartment. His little brother started school just down the street from their apartment and was able to catch up. Jun himself started school at the university his father taught at, and as promised, the university was helping them with the citizenship process.

He made a few friends: Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and Jihoon. They helped him with homework and English, which he appreciated.

“Thanks for the help with homework again, Wonwoo,” Jun said, “I know I’ve read books like this back in China, but... they were in Chinese.”

“Yeah, no problem. This is harder to understand, so I get that you would have trouble reading it, especially if you’re still trying to improve your English,” Wonwoo replied.

“Yeah. Luckily I have you to help me.”

“Of course,” Wonwoo said, “How has the transition for you so far? I know when I first moved here from Korea, I faced big culture shock.”

“It’s okay right now. My English still isn’t that good, so there are some words that I don’t understand. On top of that, I’m trying to find a job, so I can help support my family, but I’m kind of scared to since... you know, my English isn’t that good. I don’t want to mess anything up,” Jun replied.

“Well, Americans talks fast, so I understand that. It gets easier with time,” Wonwoo replied, “But hey, if you’re looking for a job, I have a friend, Jihoon’s boyfriend actually, who owns a café. He could give you a job there.”

Jun looked at Wonwoo with hope illuminating in his eyes.

“You really think he’d give me a job?”

“Most likely. He told me that someone quit there recently, so I think he’s looking for another person to hire. We could go there now if you’re interested.”

Jun thought for a moment before he nodded.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Wonwoo nodded before the two started to put their things into their backpacks. Once they had gathered all of their stuff, they stood up from the table they sat at and towards the doors of the library. Wonwoo led them out of the library and led them down the street.

“It’s not far from campus either, so it won’t be hard to get to either. Plus, he’s a really cool person and laidback boss. I think you’ll like him as a boss and as a friend,” Wonwoo told him.

Once they crossed the street, Wonwoo stopped them at the corner. Jun looked up and saw a sign: Carat Café.

“Carat Café?” Jun asked.

“Because he wants to show that the quality of his café, like with food, service, and cleanliness, is high quality, kind of like a diamond?” Wonwoo explained.

“Ah.”

“Anyway, let’s go in. It doesn’t look like it’s busy right now, so he should have some time to talk.”

Wonwoo walked towards the door. A bell rang as they opened the door and walked inside the building.

Jun took in his surroundings. There were lights hanging from the ceiling that illuminated the place. There were white, sparkling marble tables with matching chairs and benches, both of which shined in the luminescent lights. The ground was wood, and the walls were painted a light blue. Jun looked at the menu and saw different food and drink item with a light blue and pink colored background. Pastries were displayed on plates with a cover over them as well as in a glass case.

A skinny girl with porcelain skin, brown eyes and brown hair pulled into a ponytail wearing a white apron was standing at one of the cash registers. 

“It’s nice,” Jun complimented.

“Yeah, he put all of his savings into this place. It’s tiring, but he loves talking to people and hearing their stories; he says that’s what makes running this place worth it,” Wonwoo said, before walking up to the cash register, “Hey, Elle.”

“Hey, Wonwoo! How are you?”

“Alright. School and work, as usual,” he replied, “This is Jun, a new friend of mine. He just moved here from China a few months ago. Jun, this is Elle. She’s a mutual friend of mine and Cheol.”

“Hey,” she said, holding out her hand.

Jun smiled and reached his hand out.

“Hi. I’m Jun.”

She pulled their hands apart.

“Hey, so is Cheol back there? I wanted to talk to him about something,” Wonwoo said.

“Yeah, one second!” Elle said before she walked to the back room.

A moment later, Jun saw the back door flip open. He saw someone with brown eyes and black hair, swept over his forehead, walk out. He wore a white apron over a black t-shirt. He had a smile on his face.

“Hey, Wonwoo,” he said, “Nice to see you again.”

“Yeah of course,” Wonwoo said, “This is Jun, a new friend of mine and Jihoon. He just moved here from China.”

“So I’ve heard,” he said, “Jihoon’s told me about you.”

He stuck his hand out.

“I’m Choi Seungcheol, owner of this café. I’m also Jihoon’s boyfriend.”

“Hey, I’m Jun.”

“So, Jun and I were talking, and he told me that he needed a job. We were wondering if you could help him out with that?” Wonwoo asked.

“Sure! I’ll see what I can do,” Seuncheol said, “Why don’t you come to the back room, and we can talk about it?”

Jun nodded. Seungcheol waved them back. The two of them followed him.

Once they sat down at the back, and Seungcheol described the job, Jun smiled. He could feel his new life in America could be even better.

___

“Hey, Minghao? Could you come over here for a second?” Minghao heard his mom call out.

Minghao looked up from his homework.

“Yeah. One second,” he replied.

He closed his binder before he stood up from his desk. He walked out of his room and into the living room. He saw his mom laying on the couch.

“Yeah?” Minghao asked.

“I'm exhausted from work today,” she said, “Could you go grab some fried chicken from the takeout place down the street and then grab my medicine from the pharmacy?”

Minghao nodded.

“Yes, of course.”

“I already called the pharmacy and gave them your name. I told them that you’d pick up my medicine, so it shouldn’t be too much trouble. If there is, call me, okay?”

“Yeah,” Minghao said, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Minghao took the list from his mom before he walked over to the front door. He put on his shoes before he opened the door, walked out, and locked it behind him. He took the elevator down to the lobby and walked out to the street. He took a left towards the pharmacy.

Once he reached the low and quiet building, he walked inside.

He walked to the front desk and saw a guy about his age with black hair that was gelled up and brown eyes that seemed to smile with his mouth. They looked familiar to him, but he paid no attention to him.

The pharmacist furrowed his eyebrows once he looked at Minghao.

“Hi. I’m here to pick up medicine for my mom. My name is Xu Minghao,” Minghao said.

The pharmacist blinked himself out of his stare.

“O-Oh yeah, of course,” he said, “Your mom called earlier. I’ll go get it.”

He walked away, and Minghao took out his phone as he waited.

“Here it is.”

Minghao turned his phone off before he looked up and saw the same guy holding a small bag. Minghao reached out and took it from his hand.

“Thanks,” Minghao said before he turned around.

Before he could walk away, he heard the pharmacist speak again.

“Wait.”

Minghao turned around.

“Yeah?”

The pharmacist’s eyes widened.

“Minghao?”

 Minghao furrowed his eyebrows.

“Y-Yeah. I told you my name.”

“No, Minghao. It... It’s me, Chen, from grade school. Remember?”

Minghao narrowed his eyes before they widened. He realized why the pharmacist looked familiar. The smile and the eye smile, the tall and muscled built. The only difference was how he styled his hair.

“Oh, yeah, I do. Li Chen,” Minghao said.

“Yeah!” Chen exclaimed, “How are you?”

Minghao paused.

_My boyfriend left me a couple of months ago and I can’t seem to get over him, but what else is new right?_

He sighed.

“I’m doing pretty good. I’m just going to school right now and helping around at home,” Minghao said, “How have you been? I haven’t seen you or heard from you since you left for America after graduation.”

“I’m doing pretty well myself. I finished my schooling to be a pharmacist. My parents wanted me back for a little bit, so I moved back here and... well, here I am,” Chen replied.

“Oh,” Minghao said, “Well, it was nice to see you again, but I should get back home. I still need to get food for dinner. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.”

“Wait, Minghao,” Chen said, “It really has been awhile since I’ve seen you. Are you up to anything? Are you seeing anyone?”

Minghao thought for a moment.

“Well... no.”

“Oh, okay. I was wondering if... if you wanted to catch up sometime?”

Minghao didn’t know what to say to that, but before he could think of anything, his mouth did it for him.

“Sure,” Minghao said, “Just let me know when you’re free, and we can talk it out.”

“Great. Could I get your number?”

Minghao nodded as Chen got out a piece of paper. Minghao recited his number as he wrote it down.

“Thanks, Minghao. I’ll see you soon?” Chen asked.

“Yeah, of course.”

Minghao waved goodbye as he walked out of the pharmacy and towards the takeout restaurant towards him.

He felt his phone buzz. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and read the message.

_Hey. It’s Chen. It was nice seeing you again. I hope to see you soon._

Minghao smiled.

Maybe his life could be better after all, even if Jun wasn’t in it.

___

One thing that didn’t change from his move from China to America was his admiration of the sunset.

Since he and his family had settled down, he made it a habit to walk out to the pier and watch the sunset. It was different compared to watching them in China. The palm trees, the blends of yellows, oranges (and even purples), and how the sun hit the water was all beautiful to Jun.

Plus, he felt it was his only connection to-

Jun pushed the thought out of his head.

_I can’t yearn for him anymore._

Jun was at his usual spot on the pier, watching the sun move lower in the sky when he heard his phone buzz. He looked at his phone and saw Wonwoo was calling him. He picked up the phone and accepted the call.

“Hello?” Jun greeted.

“Hey, Jun. Do you have anything going on tonight?” Wonwoo asked him.

“No, why?”

“So, I know you know this, but Lunar New Year is coming up, and there’s a Chinese restaurant hosting a lantern festival on the beach. Did you want to go with me, Soonyoung, and Jihoon? Seungcheol might be there too if you don’t mind.”

“Sure,” Jun said, “What time?”

“We’ll meet at the lobby of your apartment in... thirty minutes?” Wonwoo suggested.

“Sounds good. See you guys then.”

Jun ended the call before he stood up and walked off the pier and onto the beachy sand. He walked back to his apartment building and entered into the lobby. There, he saw Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Jihoon, and Seungcheol waiting.

“Hey. Ready to go?” Wonwoo asked.

Jun nodded. Together, they walked outside towards the beach.

When they reached the sand, they saw lights and lanterns strung up. Jun saw people writing on what seemed to look like lanterns. Everyone else ate food and talked as Chinese music played in the background.

“Let’s go get some lanterns and make wishes,” Soonyoung suggested.

They all agreed. They got lanterns and sat at a picnic table, where they could write their wishes.

Everyone got to work on writing on their while Jun looked at his own lantern in his hand. He looked at his hand and imagined Minghao’s hand under his and holding the lantern with him.

He sighed; he could only think of his and Minghao’s first lantern festival together.

_“Jun? Minghao? Stop kissing and come over here. It’s time to write our messages on our lanterns,” Jun heard his dad say._

_Jun pulled away from the kiss and looked back to see his and Minghao’s family prepare to write their messages on the lanterns._

_“I suppose we should stop and join them,” Jun said._

_“Okay, as long as we get to continue later,” Minghao before he stuck out his tongue._

_Jun playfully rolled his eyes and shoved Minghao. He eventually nodded before he stood up with Minghao’s hand in his. They walked over to join their families._

_Minghao’s mom handed them a lantern._

_“Here, you two can share one since you’re practically married.”_

_Before Jun could reply, Minghao took the lantern, some ink, and a paintbrush before he led them back to the picnic table they were sitting at. Once they reached the table, they sat down on the bench._

_“My mom’s been teasing me about marriage lately,” Minghao said, “Since she’s been hearing that all of her friends’ kids are getting married, she’s been wanting me to get married too.”_

_“Well, we’re still pretty young. We have time to decide when we want to get married,” Jun said, “Anyway, I think we should start writing our message before they float the lanterns without us.”_

_Jun picked up the paint brush and dipped it in black ink before he started to think._

_“You must be thinking hard,” Minghao said, “You have your thinking face on.”_

_Jun continued to stay silent._

_“Don’t tell me you’re nervous,” Minghao said with a smirk. “It’s not like we’re actually are getting married.”_

_“I know. I just want our lantern to say the perfect thing. I want to bring good fortune into the good year,” Jun replied._

_“I don’t think a bad message on a lantern will determine that,” Minghao said, “Besides, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be... well, us.”_

_“Okay... well, let’s just put that then,” Jun said, “anything else?”_

_“We can think of it after.”_

_Jun nodded before he started to paint on the words as Minghao watched. Jun looked over at Minghao and could see the look in his eyes; thoughts were running through his mind. It made him curious. He told himself he would ask what Minghao was thinking about once he was done._

_Once he was done painting, he opened his mouth to speak, but he didn’t need to because Minghao spoke up first._

_“Hey, Jun?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Back to what you said earlier... when I told you how I can kind of tell that my mom wants me to get married,” Minghao said, “You said we didn’t have to decide that yet.”_

_“Yeah, what about it?” Jun asked._

_“You... You want to marry me?”_

_Jun looked up at Minghao with a smile._

_“Honestly? Yeah... I do. It doesn’t even have to be any time in the future. I just want you, forever and always,” Jun replied, seeing Minghao blush, “Do you want to marry me?”_

_Minghao returned the smile._

_“Yes, no matter how long it takes,” he replied, “Speaking of that, I know what to add.”_

_Minghao took the paintbrush, and Jun watched as the gentle brush strokes made contact with the paper lantern._

_Minghao moved back, and Jun read it._

**_Us. Forever and always._ **

_Jun smiled as he read it._

_“I love you.”_

_Minghao turned to him._

_“I love you too.”_

_The two shared a quick kiss._

_“Are you two ready to float them?”_

_They looked back and saw their families preparing to let their lanterns float in the sky._

_“Yeah,” Jun said._

_He stood up and held Minghao’s hand in his. He grabbed their lantern before they joined them._

“Jun?”

Jun snapped out of the memory and saw that he was still holding a lantern in his hand. He looked and saw the rest of his friends finish writing on theirs. They stared at him.

He then looked around and saw other people start to release their lanterns into the sky. He looked at Wonwoo, who seemed to let go of his lantern while giving Jun a concerned look.

“Are you okay? You seemed dazed for the past five or so minutes,” Wonwoo said.

Jun nodded.

“Yeah. I just... this reminds me of China. This makes me feel a bit homesick.”

“Oh,” Wonwoo said, “I felt that way when it was my first time celebrating the new year here and not in Korea. It gets better with time.”

Wonwoo paused.

“You must have made some good memories in China.”

Jun sadly smiled.

“Yeah... I did.”

“Anyway,” Seungcheol continued, “We’re ready to float ours. Did you want us to wait for you?”

“No. You guys can go ahead. I’ll catch up.”

They all nodded before they stood up and walked to the edge of the beach. Jun picked up a marker, deciding on a wish that he wanted to say to his lantern.

**To always remember Minghao.**

Jun put his marker down. He stood up and went to join their friends, to see it as he released the lantern into the sky and watch it float in the sky with the others.

___

 

“Minghao! It’s time to eat!”

Minghao looked up from his phone when he heard his mom’s voice. He sighed before he put his phone on his nightstand and walked over to the kitchen. He saw his mom placing food on the table as his dad sat down in his chair. Minghao walked over and sat down in his chair as his mom did the same.

“Did Chen say he was coming over or not?” His mom asked.

“He said he was having dinner with his family, but he was thankful for the invitation. He said I should invite him next time,” Minghao replied.

“Oh,” she said, “Well, I guess it’s just us this year then.”

Minghao sighed and nodded.  

This was the first time they’d have a new year’s dinner by themselves; it was weird for all of them to think that. Jun’s family always had dinner with them, knowing them for years and all, but since they had moved to America, and all of their other friends having plans, they had dinner on their own this year.

Minghao knew it felt weird, like something was off, like something needed to fill the empty void in him.

He knew what it was, and he didn’t want to think of it. He was supposed to have moved on from Jun.

“Happy New Year, to all of us,” his mom said.

“Happy New Year,” Minghao said with a small bow.

“Happy New Year. I hope this will also be a year full of good fortune,” his dad then said, “Now let’s eat.”

Minghao nodded as he and his parents started to put food on their plates. Once Minghao’s plate was full, he picked up his chopsticks and started to eat. The noodles slipped out of his chopsticks; he instantly looked to his side, waiting for a snarky comment from Jun, only to see Jun wasn’t sitting next to him, able to laugh at his small mistake.

Minghao sighed as he picked up the noodles with his chopsticks. He continued to eat in silence, the memories of new years’ dinners with Jun started to cloud his mind.

_“Come on, you two! It’s time to eat!”_

_“Finally! I’m starving!” Jun complained before he jumped up from Minghao’s bed._

_“You’re exaggerating. We had a snack a couple of hours earlier,” Minghao said._

_“Right, because you’re the snack. We did have a little makeout session earlier,” Jun said while wiggling his eyebrows._

_Minghao narrowed his eyes._

_“Shut up.”_

_Jun laughed before he reached his hand out. Minghao smiled before he grabbed Jun’s hand. Jun helped him up before they walked out of the room and to the table. Their families had dinner together every year, so it was a normal scene to see their dads talking at the dinner table while their moms finished up cooking. Fengjun was sitting at the dinner table reading a book._

_Jun led them to two seats that were next to each. It wasn’t long before their moms started to put the last of the food on the table._

_They all sat down at the table as Fengjun put his book away._

_Everyone started to wish each other a happy new year before they started to grab for the food._

_Minghao started to grab for the noodles. To his dismay, he watched as his chopsticks full of noodles had dropped onto the plate of fish. Minghao groaned, and then heard a small laugh after. He looked over and saw Jun holding in a laugh._

_“You think that’s funny, huh?” Minghao said._

_“Yes, **very** funny, my **very** funny boyfriend, Xu Minghao,” Jun said, “If photography and dance don’t work out, you can definitely do stand-up comedy.” _

_“You think **you’re** **so** funny, don’t you?” Minghao asked. _

_“I don’t think I’m funny. I **know** I’m funny,” Jun said with a smirk. _

_Minghao scoffed before he playfully shoved Jun._

_“I don’t need your sarcasm right now.”_

_“You don’t, but you still love it.”_

_Minghao let a smile make its way to his face._

_“I do.”_

_Minghao, with Jun’s help, took the time to move the noodles from the plate of fish to Minghao’s plate._

_“Mistakes and accidents happen, but only the beginning of the year. There’s bound to be many more,” Jun said._

_“Which I don’t mind... as long as you’re there to care for me and take care of me when they happen,” Minghao said._

_“Of course, I will.”_

_Minghao started to grab more food as Jun did the same. Once their plates were full of food, Minghao felt someone’s eyes on him. He looked over and saw Jun looking at him with admiration._

_“Yes?”_

_“Don’t mind me. I’m just admiring you,” Jun said, “Happy New Year, my love.”_

_Minghao smiled._

_“Happy New Year.”_

_Minghao leaned in and gave Jun a quick kiss on the lips before they both continued to eat._

“Minghao?”

Minghao looked up and saw his mom looking at him.

“Could you pass the dumplings?”

Minghao looked next to him and saw the bowl of dumplings. He picked up the bowl and handed it to his mother, who grabbed it and set it down next to her plate. Minghao looked back down at his plate before he started to eat.

“You know, Minghao, I was asking for the dumplings for the past five minutes, and you didn’t answer. It’s like your mind was in another place,” his mom said, “Are you alright? You’ve been acting strangely lately.”

“I’m fine. I’ve just been thinking about... stuff. It’s nothing important,” Minghao said.

“Well... okay, if that’s what it is.”

Minghao slowly nodded before he started to eat once again.

___

Jun heavily breathed as the music stopped. He looked at Soonyoung, who was leading the choreography they were learning for their next dance competition.

“Okay,” Soonyoung said, “I think that’s enough for today. Great job everyone! I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

Everyone let out a sigh of relief before everyone started to gather their stuff and start conversations about the day’s practice. Jun sat down as Soonyoung came and sat down next to him.

“How was today’s dance practice? It wasn’t too bad, right?” Soonyoung asked.

“No. It’s new and unlike the dances we’ve done before,” Jun replied.

“That’s good to hear. This dance took a few all-nighters, but I’m happy to see that it’s turning out to be really good.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung said, “Anyway, did you want to go get something to eat?”

Jun thought for a moment.

“Maybe not today. I want to get down the new dance. I want to be our best for the dance show, and I want to contribute to that. Plus, if I get it down, I can help you teach it to everyone else.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Soonyoung said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

Jun nodded before Soonyoung stood up to grab his stuff. Once Soonyoung and everyone else walked out, Jun stood up and walked to one of the walled mirrors.

He sighed, putting his hand on the mirror.

He and Minghao often stayed after their dances classes to practice and spent time together, and now that Jun was alone, he couldn’t help but think if it would’ve stayed the same if they were still together.

He shook his head. He walked over to the speaker and plugged in his phone. He scrolled through his music, stopping on the song he and Minghao had written with a friend.

He walked to in front of the mirror.

When the beat started, his body started to move with the music.

_“Okay, ready?” Minghao asked as he slipped on the wristlet for the white band that connected them._

_“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Jun said, “I hope we can get this down soon. The dance competition is soon, and I want to show everyone what we’re capable of.”_

_“We’ve been practicing for weeks now. I think we can do this,” Minghao said._

_Jun sighed before he slipped on the wristlet on his own side, looking at the white band._

_Coming up with a new concept for the dance competition wasn’t easy. It was considered one of the most competitive ones ever. The prize would give the winning dancers recognition needed to start a dancing career, which is what Jun and Minghao thought would be nice to have._

_They were stumped until they watched Kimi No Na Wa. It was then when Minghao suggested the idea of a dance with a white band to signify the unbreakable connection of two people. Jun agreed with it; it was better than many of their other ideas._

_After coming up with the choreography, working out the technicality of incorporating the white band, and scheduling many practices, they found themselves practicing a week before the competition, almost getting through the dance without getting tangled in the band._

_Jun would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. They hadn’t had a perfect run through yet, and if they didn’t at this point, he wasn’t sure if they’d be ready by the competition._

_“Hey.”_

_Jun looked up and saw that Minghao had walked over to him. He looked down and saw Minghao holding his hand._

_“Don’t be nervous,” Minghao continued, “I know it’s going to be great. I mean, I have the best dance partner in the world.”_

_Jun blushed then smiled before kissing Minghao’s forehead._

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_

_Minghao kissed Jun’s cheek before he walked over to the speaker to start the music. Minghao then walked to his place just as the first beat started._

_Jun took a deep breath before he started to move to the music with the moves he and Minghao have come up with and have spent weeks practicing._

_As the song played, his body instantly turned into a flowing body of water. His body moves gracefully from one move to the next, landing moves on the right beats while conveying power, emotion, and beauty._

_When the song ended, the music died down, and all that could be heard was the sounds of their heavy breathing. Jun looked up and saw Minghao with a smile on his face._

_“We did it,” Minghao said._

_“Yeah, we did,” Jun agreed._

_“You did too.”_

_“But now I’m exhausted. We should take a victory break before practicing again.”_

_Minghao smirked._

_“If you insist.”_

_Leaving the band on the floor, Jun and Minghao walked to one of the pillows that were in the practice room. Jun laid down first, making sure his back was resting comfortably against the pillow before inviting Minghao to lay down with him. Minghao didn’t hesitate to lay down next to him and rest his head on Jun’s shoulder._

_He lovingly sighed._

_“You did amazing,” Minghao said._

_“You did too. I think we have a chance at winning,” Jun said._

_“You really think so?”_

_“I do,” Jun said, “We’ve both worked hard to perfect this, and now, we got through it before tripping or getting tangled.”_

_“I’m glad you think that. I’m feeling less confident,” Minghao said._

_“Hey,” Jun said, looking down at Minghao, “Even if we don’t win, we did do something pretty amazing. That’s something to be proud of. Plus, I’m just happy to be by your side while doing all of this.”_

_“I’m glad you think that.”_

_“Of course.”_

_Jun kissed the top of Minghao’s head._

_They didn’t end up winning, but as Jun said, he was more than happy to be performing with the love of his life._

Jun felt himself come back to his senses when the song stopped. All that could be heard was his heavy breathing. He looked around and saw that he was alone, without his friends and without Minghao.

Without Minghao, his intended forever dance partner, who was now gone.

The emptiness of Minghao was more painful than before, more painful than he realized. It was almost too much for him to bear.

Without hesitation, he sat against the wall and pulled his legs to his chest. He buried his head in arms, which were resting on his knees.

It wasn’t long before the emptiness started to fill him.

___

Minghao looked at himself in the mirror one more time.

His brown hair laid flat on his forehead. He wore a red button-down with black jeans and his red converses.

He sighed when he heard a knock at the front door. He walked away from the mirror and out of his room.

“Are you going out on another date with Chen?” His mom asked.

“Yeah. I’ll try to be home by ten,” Minghao replied.

“Okay. Have fun,” his mom said.

Minghao walked over to the door and unlocked it. He looked up and saw Chen, standing on the other side. He wore a simple black hooded sweater, light washed jeans, and white converses.

“Hey,” Minghao greeted.

“Hey,” Chen replied, “Ready to go?”

Minghao nodded. He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. Chen led them down the stairs and to the ground level. They walked outside and onto the street.

“What do you have planned?” Minghao asked.

“Well, I was thinking we could go shopping together. I really like how you dress, so I wanted to see where you like to go and where you buy things. Maybe I’ll let you pick out an outfit,” Chen said with a small smirk, “Then I thought that... we could go for dinner after.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Minghao said with a smile.

Chen then smiled before he reached out and held Minghao’s hand. Minghao’s eyes slightly widened as he looked down at his and Chen’s intertwined fingers.

_It’s not as nice as holding Jun’s hand._

“Is this okay?” Chen softly asked.

Minghao stayed frozen for a moment before he stiffy nodded.

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

He looked up and saw Chen brightly smile. He tightened his hold on Minghao’s hand before he led them towards downtown, where all of the shops were.

In their first shop, Minghao let go of Chen’s hand to look through the racks of clothes.

Almost immediately, he pulled out a pink, long-sleeved button up. He let out a small laugh, a memory of pink entering his mind.

_“Haohao, are you really going to make me wear this?”_

  _Minghao tore his eyes away from the black button up he was holding. He looked over to see Jun holding a pink dress shirt, gray dress pants, and black loafers. He didn’t look too pleased with what Minghao had handed him over the past half hour._

_“I’m not making you wear it. I’m just suggesting an outfit that I think would look good on you,” Minghao replied._

_“You haven’t been into fashion for that long. How are you even sure that this outfit matches? What if I look horrible? I don’t need any more blackmail material,” Jun complained._

_“I’m not sure. That’s why I’m having you try it on,” Minghao said, “But of course, if you don’t want to try my outfit creations, I could always call another friend and ask them to try it on. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind much compared to my complaining boy-”_

_Minghao let out an **oof** as he felt himself being pulled back. He turned around and saw that Jun had wrapped his arms around Minghao’s waist and pulled him close. _

_“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry I complained. I’ll try on whatever you want to tell me. Just... don’t make anyone your model. I should be your only model,” Jun quickly said._

_Minghao playfully rolled his eyes before he pulled away._

_“Okay; okay. Just go change now before I actually change my mind.”_

_Jun beamed before he kissed Minghao’s cheek and walked towards the dressing room. Minghao watched Jun walk off before he put the black button-up back on the rack and followed him._

_When Jun came out of the dressing room, Minghao had to hold in his laughs._

_He’d underestimated the style of the shirt since it was tight around Jun’s arms. Plus, the pants made it look like his legs were unusually long and the loafers made his feet very wide and large._

_He could see the pout on Jun’s face, showing him that he wasn’t hiding his emotions very well._

_“I told you it was going to look funny on me!”_

_“Like you said, I just got into fashion. It might or might not have looked okay.”_

_“But you sounded so confident when you said that it’d be okay!”_

_“Well it’s your fault for trusting me.”_

_“That’s not fair! Hao!”_

_Minghao laughed before he walked over to Jun. He fixed Jun’s collar and the sleeves of the dress shirt._

_“I’m sorry, dearest,” he apologized, “If it makes you feel better, I still think you look handsome.”_

_“You don’t have to lie to me, Hao,” Jun replied, “I look like a dork.”_

_“Well then, you’re **my** handsome dork.” _

_Jun gave him a bashful smile. Without hesitation, he grabbed Minghao’s hand and pulled him towards his dressing room. Once Jun closed the door, he gently pushed Minghao against the wall of the dressing room._

_“What am I going to do with you?” Jun asked._

_“You could kiss me,” Minghao replied._

_“Gladly.”_

_Jun held Minghao’s wrist above him before he leaned in and pressed their lips together. Minghao smiled against the kiss before he kissed back. He put his other arm over Jun’s shoulder and draped it over. Jun took a step closer and tilted his head, deepening the kiss._

_Jun pulled apart, their breathing heavy and their cheeks flushed._

_“I love you,” he whispered._

_Minghao smiled._

_“I love you too.”_

_Jun leaned in again, kissing him again, neither of them not giving a damn if they were in a dressing room._

“Minghao?”

Minghao looked up and saw Chen standing next to him.

“Are you okay? You’ve been staring at this shirt for the past five minutes.”

Minghao looked at the pink button up again. It looked almost exactly like the one he had Jun try on, what seemed like, ages ago.

Minghao sighed.

“I’m fine,” he said, “Come on. Let’s go look at the pants before I find a shirt to match.”

He glanced up, and he could see the look of worry on Chen’s face. Minghao ignored it and walked to another part of the store with Chen following him.

___

“Okay; I’m headed out,” Jun said as he hung up his apron.

“Okay. Have a good night, Jun,” Seungcheol, told him.

Jun nodded before he walked out the back door and headed home. He walked past the different shops and restaurants, looking at the different people eating, talking, and laughing. The times he saw couples, both gay and straight, made him smile.

It made him think of Minghao, how he and Minghao would go to shops and look at the little trinkets and then stop at cafes to share food.

He saw movies of people saying they didn’t know what they had until it was gone. Jun always found those kinds of lines incredibly cheesy, but living in America for almost a year without Minghao has proved that the movies are right.

He didn’t know Minghao had become so much a part of him until he didn’t have Minghao anymore. He didn’t realize how needed Minghao in his life until he left in life in China to start a new one in America.

Before he knew it, he reached his apartment, but instead of walking inside, he went around the building and straight to the beach, where there was a pier for the residents of his building.

Once he could feel the sand in between his toes, He walked onto the pier and kept walking until he reached the edge. He sat down and watched as the sun started to set. The edge of the pier gave a perfect view of the ocean. The oranges and yellows shined bright above the blue ocean. He listened to the waves crash against the shore as the sun got lower and lower in the sky.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Jun looked back and saw that his mom had followed him back the pier. He turned back and continued to look back at the ocean.

“Yeah.”

She sat down next to him.

“The sunset is especially beautiful this evening. No wind and no clouds; you can see all of the colors. It would be harder to see this in China.”

“Yeah.”

“But... that’s not the reason you come out here every night, do you?”

Jun stayed quiet.

“Ever since we’ve moved here, you’ve come out here every night. Why’s that?”

Jun knew he had been holding in all of his thoughts and feelings of Minghao ever since they came to America. Some days, he was able to live his life without Minghao plaguing his minds, but most days, the emptiness felt like it suffocated him, and there was no one he could lean on or cry to. He figured, if he had to choose someone to share the burden, it would be his mom.

Jun sighed.

“I feel like I can feel Minghao when I’m here. I’d like to think he’s looking at the same ocean as me and looking at the same sunset as me I feel like I’m closer to him here than anywhere else in Los Angeles.”

Jun stopped, feeling tears fall down his face.

“M-Mom, I-I just m-miss him s-so much.”

Jun felt the tears fall down his face. His mom pulled him into a hug, which Jun accepted. Jun could feel his tears soak his mom’s shirt, and he felt sorry, but his mom only kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back.

Jun pulled apart and wiped his tears with his palms.

“I’m sorry, mom,” he said.

“Don’t be,” she replied, “You miss him.”

She sighed.

“You were in love with him.”

“I still am.”

Jun looked up at his mom, and he could see the knowing looking on her face, like she knew that Jun was still deeply in love with Minghao.

“Jun, if I ask you a question, will you be honest with me?” She asked.

“Of course,” he replied.

“Why did you let Minghao go?”

Jun sniffled and wiped his cheeks before he answered.

“We both agreed to do this. We thought it was better for us. We thought we wouldn’t be able to give each other what we both deserved... and that we both deserved better than a relationship that we can only put in half... but... but I feel in my gut that it wasn’t the right decision. I can’t stop thinking about him.”

Jun paused.

“I can’t help but feel like I fucked everything up.”

His mom sighed.

“You really think you know what’s best for you and Minghao?” She asked, “Jun, you never saw yourself with you were with him. I’ve raised you and watched you grow up. I know you better than most people, and I know that I’ve never seen you act and smile the way you do when you’re with Minghao. He makes you so incredibly happy. He brings out the best in you.”

She paused.

“In my opinion, I think you and Minghao were the best for each other. You just didn’t know it.”

Jun took in the words she said.

It was true. Minghao did make him happy. He felt like he could do the impossible with Minghao by his side. All he could feel when he was with Minghao was love, overflowing love he didn’t want to go away.

“What if it doesn’t work out? What if we can’t last? Here to China is a long flight, and the time difference just makes it harder. I’m terrified to think that, no matter how much effort we put it, it will still end badly for both of us.”

His mom thought for a moment.

“I think, if you really love Minghao, and if you want to continue to have him, you’ll do what you’ll need to do to keep him. If Minghao feels the same way, and I truly believe he does, he’ll reciprocate.”

“How will I know what to do? How will I know Minghao will do the same?”

“I have a feeling you already know what you need to do, and that you know how Minghao feels about you,” his mom said.

Jun sat in silence as he thought about his mom’s words.

“Whatever you do, I know it’ll turn out to be okay. You’re more thoughtful and smarter than you give yourself credit for,” she said.

His mom stood up and wiped the sand off of her pants.

“I’m going to go start on dinner. Come in when you’re ready, okay?”

Jun nodded.

His mom lovingly sighed before kissing the top of his head and walking back inside.

Jun lifted up his head when it hit him.

He did know what to do. It was radical... but he knew it was what he needed to do. Without hesitation, he took out his phone and started to search the internet for plane tickets.

___

Minghao couldn’t help but feel guilty.

He glanced over to Chen, who was sitting next to him with his hand holding Minghao’s. After they took a walk in the park, Chen bought them ice cream before they went to the beach and sat down. The sky was starting to turn into a warm orange, so they finished their ice cream and decided to watch the rest of the sunset.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Chen asked.

“Yeah,” Minghao said.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to just... sit down and relax,” Chen said, “I’m happy to be sitting here with you.”

“Me too,” Minghao said, only in a whisper this time.

It was silent between them. Minghao could hear small breaths of hesitation come out of Chen’s mouth.

“Minghao, can you look at me?” Chen then asked.

Slowly, but surely, Minghao nodded. He turned his head, so his eyes made contact with Chen’s. He could see the concern in his eyes. Chen furrowed his eyebrows before he looked away.

“Chen? What is it?”

Chen looked away from him. He took a deep breath.

“Minghao... if I ask you a question... will you be completely honest with me?” Chen asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Minghao said, “What is it?”

Chen sighed, seemingly trying to gather his thoughts.

“These past couple of dates have been... well, amazing... at least, on my end,” Chen said, starting off.

Minghao waited for him to say more.

“You know... how I’m a pharmacist,” Chen continued, “but I’m more than just that. I had thoughts of being a psychologist, but that didn’t go well with my parents, which is why I’m a pharmacist.”

Chen paused. Minghao didn’t know what point Chen was going to make, but he decided to keep listening, to hear it.

“I know how to read people, Minghao. I just-”

Chen paused again as if he were trying to gather his thoughts.

“I wonder what you’ve been thinking about, or maybe... _who_ you’ve been thinking about,” he finally said, “The way you look at me, act around me, and talk to me... it’s like you’re thinking about someone else.”

He paused again.

“So... who is this person you’re thinking of?”

The question caught Minghao by surprise. He assumed he did a decent job of hiding his face when he thought of Jun. It had been over a year since he left, so Minghao knew he should’ve stopped thinking about Jun and moved on a long time ago, but he couldn’t, so the best he could do is fake it until he actually did move on. It seemed like Chen saw right through him.

“You can be honest with me, Minghao,” Chen then said, “I don’t really mind... I guess. I’d rather you be honest with me than continue to pretend that this is going to go anywhere.”

Minghao stayed silent, trying to gather his thoughts.

“His name was Junhui,” Minghao said, “He and I... we were together for a couple of years before he left. His dad got a teaching job in America. We... ended things before he left because we thought it wouldn’t work out.”

“Oh,” Chen said.

“Yeah. We thought it was the best thing to do... but I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s on my mind every day. No matter what I do or try, I can’t move on. No matter days pass or how many dates I go on, I still wish he were here next to me.”

“Oh.”

Minghao sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Minghao said, “I didn’t mean to lead you on. I... I genuinely thought I liked you. I thought this could be something more but... but you’re right. Every time I look at you, I think of Jun. Every time you reach out and hold my hand, I can’t help but think about him. I shouldn’t have dragged this on with you. I should’ve just ended it when I think of Jun when I’m with you. It wasn’t fair for me to make you believe that you had a chance.”

There was a pause of silence.

“I can understand why you did it. When I studied in America, and I had broken up with my first girlfriend, I jumped around a lot,” Chen said, “Does this mean that... that... we’re done?”

Minghao sighed.

“Yeah... I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re just... still in love with him. I can’t get in the way of that,” Chen said, “Can I offer you some advice though?”

“Yeah.”

“If you really believe that he’s the one for you, and you believe that you’re meant to be with him, you should go find him. You need to let know that before it’s too late.”

“And what if it is too late?”

“Then... at least he’ll know. He can take it however you tell it to him. What matters is that you tell him before this tears you apart.”

Minghao turned to Chen and gave him a small smile.

“You’re right. Thanks, Chen.”

“Of course.”

“I’m sorry I... I can’t be with you the way you want me too.”

“Don’t be. I would rather have you be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel something amazing instead of being with someone who only makes you feel half of it,” Chen said, “I care for your happiness, Minghao; I always have. As long as you’re happy... what I want doesn’t matter anymore. I just hope you find the happiness you want and deserve.”

“Thanks... Chen.”

“Of course.”

Chen sighed.

“Well... I guess I should go,” Chen said, “Maybe... Maybe I’ll see you around?”

Minghao gave him a small smile.

“Yeah... maybe.”

Chen returned the smile before he stood up. Minghao watched as he turned around and walked away from the beach.

If he could will himself to, if his mind could convince the rest of him, he could be happy with Chen. He knew Chen would love him and treat him in a way he deserved to be, but in his heart, he knew he wanted Jun. He couldn’t help but believe that Jun was the one for him.

But it was too late for him, because Jun was gone, and it was likely that he wasn’t going to be back. Chen’s words of telling Minghao to find Jun and to tell him how he felt repeated in his head, but he knew it wasn’t realistic in the slightest. He still had school and not enough money. Plus, he barely knew English. There’s no way he’d be able to navigate America on his own.

The reality was... all Minghao had, all he could cling onto to remember Jun, was the sunset, and the feeling that Jun was close, even though he was very far away.

With a sigh, Minghao pulled his knees to his chest and rest his head on it as he continued to watch the sunset.

It was all he could do at that point.

___

Jun grabbed his suitcase out of the luggage container before he started to get in line to walk off the plane. He thanked the staff before he walked off with everyone else.

Once he was off the plane, he started to head to the pick-up area.

To his luck, when he reached the doors, he could see a similar car. He smiled when he walked up to the car and saw Minghao’s dad in the driver’s seat. He opened the back door, put his suitcase in the backseat, and closed the door before he walked to the passenger door.

“Hello,” Jun said as he opened the door, “Thank you for picking me up.”

“It’s no problem, Jun,” he replied as Jun close the door, “Do you have everything ready?”

“Yes.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Of course I am.”

“Don’t be. Minghao isn’t going to say no, not after the year he’s had.”

Jun looked up.

“What?” He asked.

Minghao's dad sighed.

“Minghao... he thought he hid it well, but the truth is... his mother and I could see it the moment you and your family left,” Minghao’s dad said, “It’s as if a part of him was gone. He lived this past year as if a part of him had died... and the truth is... it did, the moment you left.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He’s been seeing someone for a while now, but even through that, we can still see that his heart isn’t fully committed.”

Jun could feel the jealousy boil in him, but he knew he couldn’t be jealous. He had let Minghao go; Minghao was no longer his. He didn’t have a right to be jealous, not yet, at least.

Before Jun knew it, they arrived at the apartment that filled the good memories of his mind. Even after a year, it didn’t change. He hoped Minghao hadn’t changed either.

Just as the car was turned off, Jun stepped out and opened the back door to grab his bag. Once he closed the door, he and Minghao’s dad walked up the steps to their apartment.

When they reached the door, he knocked on the door and waited.

It wasn’t long until the door opened. Standing in front of him was Minghao’s mom.

“Jun, you’ve made it,” she said with a smile.

“Yeah,” Jun replied, “It’s good to be back.”

“It’s good to see you again. A year passes by rather slowly,” she said, “Well, Minghao is out right now. I believe he’s at the beach with someone. He’s gone out there every day since you’ve left.”

“Okay, thank you,” Jun said, “Is it okay if I leave my suitcase here?”

“Of course. You just go make things right with Minghao,” Minghao’s dad said.

She took the suitcase inside while his dad walked inside. They closed the door, and Jun jogged to the elevator. After he got to the lobby, he walked out and walked in the direction of the beach.

When he arrived, the sun was starting to set. He saw people with the beach towels spread out and lounging in the sand while others still splashed in the ocean.

Jun then looked to the left and saw the one he was looking for. He walked and slowly made his way to him.

When Jun walked closer, he could see that Minghao hadn’t changed much. His short, brown hair, white hoodie, and black skinny jeans never changed.

He could tell Minghao could hear him because he turned around, and once he did, his eyes widened. He turned away but looked back at him.

Jun had reached him and was now standing above him. For a moment, they stared at each other, both of them almost not believe the moment that was unfolding in front of them.

Jun could start to feel his heart race in his chest. Minghao was as cute as he remembered. His wide brown eyes and button nose still made him weak. Jun saw that his legs were pulled up to his chest; it made him wonder how long Minghao had been out here.

“Jun?” Minghao asked in a small voice.

“Y-Yeah,” Jun said, “Can... Can I sit?”

Minghao hesitantly nodded. Jun then sat down next to Minghao and crossed his legs in front of him. The two sat in silence.

“It’s beautiful,” Jun started, “The sunsets are just as beautiful, maybe even more beautiful because there aren’t as many city lights where I live.”

“Yeah,” Minghao said, “It wasn’t until we dated that I appreciated sunsets. The mix of colors is really beautiful.”

“Yeah.”

Minghao then sighed.

“What are you doing here? Normal people don’t take eighteen-hour flights to visit their ex, especially after a year.”

Jun didn’t say anything.

“Well, I’m not normal.”

“I can see that,” Minghao replied, “So what _is_ your reason?”

Jun took a deep breath.

“I miss you,” he finally said, “You... You’d think that... after a year of moving and adjusting to a new country, I’d be able to move on with my life. I thought I’d be able to live life like it was before you... but I couldn’t. I thought this was the best for us... but honestly, I feel like I lost the best thing that had happened to me.”

“I thought I had moved on. I was in school, I had friends, and I started working to support my family. I was building a new life for myself... and I thought I could leave my life in China behind me... but I couldn’t... because you never seemed to leave my mind. When I realized that I started to think about you, constantly, I tried to push away the thought of you. I tried to forget you, but you never seemed to leave. I... I even wished one point in time that I never met you... but I cursed myself for even thinking that because... I realized that I was happier with you than I ever was in my life.”

“Even in LA, sunsets reminded me of you, so every night, I would walk out to our dock and sit, and I would think of you. I felt like you were closer to me when I sat there. I felt like... you could be watching the same sunset and thinking of me too.”

Jun sighed.

“It was the only thing I had left of you, and... I didn’t want to lose you completely.”

Minghao remained silent before he eventually sighed.

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Always.”

“I’m still in love with you,” Minghao said, “Since the day you left, I’ve come to this beach and watched the sunset because I felt like it was the only connection I had to you.”

Minghao softly smiled.

“It seems like you were right. I was watching the same sunsets as you.”

Minghao sighed.

“In all honesty, I missed you, so much. I miss the hugs you gave me when I was cold. I miss the cuddles after a long day. I miss the way you held my hand when you were scared to lose me in the busy crowds. I miss the way you wiped my tears after I cried and the way you spoon-fed me to make sure I ate and all the times you made sure I was okay. I’m still... so... so deeply and madly in love with you that... that I don’t even know what to do with myself. I... I just-”

Minghao let out a small sob. Jun pulled him close to his chest as Minghao let out more quiet sobs. Jun held him tightly, letting his own tears falling down his cheek.

“Can I be honest with you too?” Jun softly asked.

Minghao nodded against his chest.

“I never fell out of love with you either,” Jun said, “it didn’t matter what we did... I just wanted to be with you because your presence was enough for me. I tried moving on, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you. I couldn’t stop thinking of your laugh and your smile. I couldn’t stop thinking of your sassy remarks and loving words. I couldn’t move on from you because I was, and am still, in love with you. You were the love of my life... you still are.”

Miinghao pulled away from Jun’s chest.

He wiped his tears.

“You were... are... mine too.”

Jun let out choked tears.

“Can I kiss you?”

Minghao nodded, tears falling down his cheeks.

“Please.”

Without hesitation, Jun leaned in and pressed his lips against Minghao’s. Minghao gasped before he quickly kissed back. The pace of their kiss quickened, desiring to taste what hadn’t been on each other’s lips for the past year, desperate to taste what was almost lost. Jun wrapped his arms around Minghao’s waist and pulled him closer. He angled his head, deepening the kiss. Minghao then wrapped his arms around Jun’s neck, decreasing the space even more. The pace of the kiss never changed, only to show what couldn’t be said in words.

Minghao pulled apart. He rested his forehead against Jun as he breathed heavily.

“God... I missed you so much,” Jun whispered.

“Me... Me too,” Minghao replied, “Feel this.”

Minghao moved Jun’s hands down to his chest, where his heart laid. Jun’s eyes slightly widened when he could feel Minghao’s heart pounding.

“You feel that?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“It... It hasn’t done that since you left,” Minghao said, “This past year was undoubtedly one of the worst years of my life. I’m so completely and utterly in love with you that even my heart knows that it beats for you.”

Jun softly smiled, moving his hands from Minghao’s chest to his waist.

“Xu Minghao... you are amazing and everything more.”

He leaned in for another kiss and pulling away quickly. Their eyes remained glued to each other.

“I didn’t just come here to see you... I came here to ask you a question,” Jun said.

Minghao watched as Jun slipped his hand into his pocket. He pulled out a small black box. Before Minghao could ask what it was, Jun opened it, and Minghao saw a small, diamond ring on the inside.

Minghao looked up at Jun with wide eyes. He covered his mouth as he looked at Jun then the ring.

He pulled his hands away from his mouth.

“Jun? What... What is this?”

“I don’t want to lose you again, Hao. If this past year has taught me anything... it’s taught me that I’m a mess without you. You’ve become some much a part of me that... that I didn’t feel whole without you. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt like a void of my heart was empty. No matter what I did... nothing could fill that void. Only you can, and I only want you to.”

“Jun... are... are you... asking me to marry you?” Minghao asked.

Jun sat silently.

“I wasn’t lying that one Lunar New Year when I said I wanted to marry you, because I wanted to marry you then and I want to marry you now,” Jun said, “I’m in love with you, and I’ve been in love with you ever since that rainy day in grade school. I only want to love you for the rest of my life. I want forever to start with you and end with you,” Jun said.

“Jun,” Minghao whispered, more tears falling down his cheek.

“And... And if you accept my proposal... I want to bring you to America, with me.”

Minghao looked up at Jun with wide eyes.

“Are you serious?”

“One-hundred percent serious,” Jun confirmed, “I can’t live my life without you, and I don’t want to try to again.”

He took a deep breath.

“Xu Minghao... will you marry me, and start a new life with me in America?”

Minghao, tears starting to fall down his face, smiled and nodded his head.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Jun, choking on a tear, smiled. He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto Minghao's finger. Minghao looked at the new ring on his finger.

“How... How did you? It’s beautiful,” Minghao said.

“It took forever to save enough money for it. My boss, Seungcheol, gave me a raise, so I could afford it, but it meant I had to work some extra hours. Plus, I had to balance school work with it too. I had to pull some all-nighters, and I almost wanted to die at the end of them, but since it was all for you... I pushed through it.”

“Some all-nighters?” Minghao asked, giving Jun a knowing look.

Jun caved and let out a small laugh.

“Okay, _many_ all-nighters. There was one week I only got about.... eight hours of sleep, but that’s unrelated,” Jun answered, “The point is, I’m so deeply and madly in love with you that I would do anything for you, even do something as drastic as almost failing statistics to save up for a ring so I could ask you to marry me.”

Minghao looked at the ring again before he gave Jun a small smile.

"Ring or not, I would've said yes," Minghao said, "I would be crazy to say no."

Jun smiled.

“I’m crazy in love with you too.”

Minghao's smile grew before he leaned in and pressed his lips against Jun’s, sealing their forever in a kiss.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, feedback, and kudos are appreciated.!


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